we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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