It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
