so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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