I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She has the best kind of daddy issues
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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