She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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