man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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