i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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