I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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