I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
