what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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