he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
