I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
