This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
