He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
