He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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