you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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