I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
