first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
