I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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