i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
wow bdsm is so cute
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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