i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
