Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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