She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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