dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honey bunches of taint.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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