my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
