The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you had me at cake vodka
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
