Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
