and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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