Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
