I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
