id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just gift wrapped bread.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want a musical about memes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
