her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
