This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
