whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
