Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We're too hungover to prance.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
