she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
