the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
