i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't deserve a penis
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
