I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
