Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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