I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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