goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
