My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My pussy is not your playground.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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