I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
