You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
