If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
