Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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