I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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