My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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