make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize