My friends, they love my intelligence
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
