Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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