I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
