I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
