oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
