Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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