Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
