i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
