I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That accounts for only three of the penises
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
