I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You need Xanax blowdarts
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
