Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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